Anyone who knows me knows that not only do I rarely ask for help, but I also don’t really like to receive it. I like to carry my own bags and clean my own apartment, and will spend a lot of time wandering around before I swallow my pride and ask for directions.
When I go shopping, I’d rather sift through a pile of shirts than ask an “associate” to help me find my size. So it should come as no surprise that I find the aggressive efforts by shouhuoyuan (salespeople) to help me really annoying. When I step into a store, without fail someone latches onto me and follows two feet behind me wherever I go, asking what I’m looking for. Sometimes I have fun with this, zig-zagging around the store and doing laps around display counters or columns just to test their dedication to tailgating me. Other times, I tell them that I’m just looking, which works about half the time.
The inverse of this annoyance is my utter helplessness in some situations. One of my greatest frustrations here—actually, my only real frustration—is my constant need for help. Usually I don’t mind the fact that I’m essentially illiterate and unable to talk, but sometimes it becomes intolerable.
Case in point: having my Internet connection installed. I have needed my hand held through this entire process, from asking a friend to accompany me to the China Telecom office and help me fill out forms, to asking my teacher to make a call to the technician for me. I’ll spare you the details, but the process of not having my DSL installed has included a technician spending three hours at my apartment and making several calls to said friend. Try to recall the difficulty you’ve had getting something like this done in your own country, then add the fact that the technician doesn’t speak a single word of English and doesn’t understand your computer, and that the bureaucratic stupidity is a completely different type than you’re used to—and maybe you can forgive me for wishing I had better command of some, er, choice words in Mandarin.
Adding to the difficulty, the people who you must ask for help are people who you’ve known for a few weeks, and your helplessness means you have nothing to offer in return. I’ve met people who are very generous with their time and resources (my friend Chris has offered to make a second trip to China Telecom; my teacher is letting me use her Internet connection so I can conduct interviews Monday on Skype) but it’s still nothing like asking an old friend or family member for an assist.
I can only keep trying and hope that this experience teaches me more patience and more understanding, and more willingness to help people I’ve just met.
